I feel like I'm trapping myself into a box.
My house is locked up tighter than Fort Knox. I've got the windows all locked and the doors secured. Basement door has more locks on it than a bank. Looking around at it all now, it feels like my house is a Saw movie, and I'm the poor sap Jigsaw's tormenting.
My front door has, I kid you not, my handgun placed against the spot where a person's head might be, hooked up to an apparatus I worked on all night. If someone tries to enter without me knowing, they get one to the noggin. Against Him, I don't know how much work it's going to do, but it's a defense and I'll be damned if I'm just going to let Him waltz in without a fight.
My back door is defended somewhat similarly. The main difference is that it's a shotgun. Don't ask me where I got it, because technically, I'm not allowed to say. But it's wired the same way, only placed back some more so that it's propped up on a box. If someone comes in, they get a chest full of buckshot. That's the plan, anyway.
For the windows, there's really not much I can do except pray He doesn't know how to open them. He probably does. Wouldn't surprise me.
I considered buying a camera to tape myself as I sleep, just in case I get a late night visitor. Ultimately, I decided against it. There are just some things I would rather not know the answer to.
Don't think I just stay inside 24-7, though. I do get out. I go shopping for food. I go to the coffee shop and get my coffee. I take walks. I get out of the house as much as I can during the day. The defenses are for when I have to come home at night.
I stay in public as much as I can during the day. He can't get me in broad daylight. But at night, it's just me and Him, whenever He decides to come.
Moving is out of the question. I have nowhere to go. My parents have been overseas on a cruise for months now, and I don't expect them home soon. I have no other relatives nearby, and friends...who are you kidding, do I sound like a guy who has a lot of friends? I haven't talked to my high school friends in months. And it's not like I have any friends on the job...not anymore, at least.
No, this is where I stay. This is where I try and hold out as long as I can while I try and figure out how to solve this shit situation I've gotten myself into. Find a way to save myself.
For the first time since I was thirteen, I don't feel safe in my own house.
And the fact that He can do that scares me worse than anything else He can possibly do to me.